Aug3

It Is What It Is

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It is what it is

“I don’t think people need therapy or seeing a psychologist or trauma to thrive. I’ve always thought that It is what it is. Everything that happened in the past is the thread that makes us who we are now…” That’s what my husband Poe said.

I replied with a smile. I believe that marriage does not mean that we always have to agree and engage in pointless debates that can strain the relationship and harm the children. I pick my battles carefully.

I accept differences. It makes life colorful and exciting. I like being close to different perspectives because it allows me to reflect, think and generate new theories and ideas that will benefit me later. So when Poe said that, I was still me, thinking my mind was messed up and I needed other people, professionals, to help me sort it out.

Different and yet the same

I also believe in “It is what it is” because I firmly believe that in creating His creatures and providing scenarios for each individual, Allah always pays attention to detail.  Whatever happens, it should happen, and there are no regrets.

However, I agree with “it is what it is” after reading a lot about trauma, brain function, and being handled by psychologists. Because after getting help to deal with all that cluttered my hippocampus with things that weren’t dealt with properly, I realize that I’m Yasmina who needs to live it all.

Because I am very rational and for me science is absolute. Fortunately, my religion conforms to scientific principles. “It is what it is” is the result of brain processes formed on the basis of experiences. I wouldn’t be where I am today if I hadn’t experienced it all, both good and bad.

Oppenheimer’s movie

What is the connection? Please bear with me, as I mentioned before, my mind is fuzzy and overcrowded. Although it’s no longer the unprocessed trauma right now, the neurons in my brain seem to be acting like neutrons, protons, and their friends, which when compressed and stimulated will explode and start a chain reaction.

I always like to connect the dots and watching Oppenheimer today answered many of the questions that lingered and seemed to have been forgotten. Because I’ve been reading books since I was young. My brilliant father had a million books at home and often talked about everything that was happening in the world since I was a child.

Marxism, socialism, capitalism, war, politics, economics – I even read “Das Capital” when I was in elementary school. All this made me think in a neutral and rational way. That nothing is true except the Word of God. It must also come from a reliable source and not from sources guided by worldly interests. That’s why it’s crucial to do thorough research from different sources of information, not just read or hear and then believe.

My mother was obsessed with chemistry and biology. Her story revolves around DNA, genetics, cells, and genes. But her social skills are much better than my father’s, so she can always relate everything to human life and how we should live it. And Poe, the physics genius who made me fall in love with Einstein, quantum physics, the brilliance of Stephen Hawking, and his connection to the entire universe, which I love with all my heart.

All that knowledge exploded watching Oppenheimer. Nolan’s movies never cease to amaze me! I was even moved to tears when I was taken away by the movie that people say is confusing. I have intricately pieced together every occurrence and detail of the fun plot.

Imagine the enormous cost of Indonesia’s independence, the heartbreaking plight of the children of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, the terrifying world of politics and governance and the profound sadness of a scientist obsessed with inventing theories and conducting experiments, only to be financed by war interests.

Me and the experiments I conduct.

As someone who likes to think and develop concepts, theories, and experiences, I can easily relate to the different emotions portrayed in this film. I don’t care for what purpose this film is made, in what perspective, or what mission it pursues. Because I know that it is impossible to create any great work without some sort of agenda.

I just thank Nolan for making it easier to understand the history of science, which has always been about political power and money. It helps me translate readings that sometimes I don’t fully understand because I’m distracted by so many things that I don’t have enough time to dig deeper.

I’m also happy because it’s a strong reminder to me to do better and not forget the “why” that should always form the basis of every strategy, decision, and technical action I take. In my view, Oppenheimer seems to have forgotten this.  But I also understand why he did it.

Researching, formulating theories, and deepening and unraveling discoveries is an activity that I enjoy a lot. It’s an activity that puts me in hyperfocus mode, and I can’t stop until I’m ready to experiment. So obviously the ultimate wish is to turn those theories into reality.

I will do whatever it takes, even if it betrays the values ​​I believed in and are dear to me. This is why funding for scientists is crucial. I mean, the funding source. Because all these concepts require materials, manpower, operational support, consumption, space, and many things that can only be achieved if there is money.

In modern times, the trend may be toward investment financing of various enterprises aimed solely at profit. However, most work is based on values ​​that should not be forced to generate insane profits.

For example, I work on behavior change theories and translate them into simple knowledge content. It could be very profitable if I forget the “why”. For example, bombarding the audience with a large amount of content that ends up confusing them. So I produce a product that becomes the answer to that confusion, making the public run for it because they see it as a solution.

Even if I’m the one who confuses them, and the one who gives the answers (with ONLY high profit as a goal) it’s me too. As a result, I get rich and the venture company gets a high-profit share. But I forget the “why” of my theory of change, which is meant to promote goodness. I don’t realize it until later when I see the results of my actions that don’t match the original goal.

Isn’t that exactly what Oppenheimer experienced?

Two sides of a coin.

It reminds me of a discussion I had with a friend about Stephen Hawking’s theory, later made into a film by Nolan: Interstellar, about other planets and the fifth dimension that could serve as an alternative if the Earth is destroyed. If we look at it purely scientifically, it is certainly magnificent! A theory NASA was eager to test, right?

But if we look at it from a different perspective, is this the only option if the Earth is destroyed? Isn’t that like using an incinerator to solve the problem of piles of garbage in landfills? Or the recent news about a high school student who repeatedly stabbed a classmate for bullying, then the school sets up metal detectors to keep out sharp weapons.

The same goes for the solutions implemented in schools in America when there are frequent shootings of children. Just like starter apps as a solution to parents’ worries. They are interesting, modern, and sexy to attract investment, but on the other hand, they often neglect many essential aspects related to the root causes of the problem.

I won’t discuss the best solutions for those examples; please think about it yourself. Because the former is not wrong, indeed appropriate. But we often forget to think more broadly, multiply, and integrated. I know this higher and larger pattern of thinking is too complex to implement and is only fit to be a North Star goal. So we think from a metric perspective.

The integrated mindset should be achievable for people like me who may appear absent-minded, but their minds are connecting the cause and effect of various events happening in this world. Because believe me, everything is always connected. We are not separate; people, animals, the universe, everything is connected. Even our body, from head to toe, works with multiple solutions because they are always integrated.

To achieve this, we need to break down big goals into smaller goals that can be achieved on a daily basis. But never forget the big goal. Because this is the “why” and it should always be the basis. This is an important lesson I learned from Oppenheimer. I once wrote about the two parts here.

Being able to see things from multiple perspectives is a responsibility for those who weave concepts into theories and try to test them in the real world. They need to know when to persevere, but also when to stop and change strategy. Without a frame of mind, people like you and me who like to create theories will get lost and lose direction.

And yes, it is what it is! All that is intended is as it is.

Back to “It is what it is”. If Oppenheimer hadn’t lost sight of that at the time, Indonesia might not have gained independence. It was a blessing in disguise. I hate to say this, considering how heartbreaking it is to imagine kids and families in those two big cities in Japan. But yeah, it is what it is. What needs to be done must actually be done.

Just like me, who can’t sit still, and always have a busy mind. Throughout my life, I have always thought that my lack of concentration, my disorder, and my insanity were weaknesses that needed to be eliminated or covered up so as not to appear too strange to society. However, after going through consultations and therapy, everything has opened up and I feel so much more comfortable being myself, realizing that my quirks aren’t weird.

I might be the person that thinks crazier than others, but I can connect more knowledge and it turns out that my ability to understand and deal with complex issues since childhood has led to many memories stored in my brain which, when triggered, lead to Emerge, and can be linked to current events and supplemented with new knowledge, leading to new insights.

The most important thing that I always treasure the most is my family. I used to think that I was living in the middle of a Third World War and growing up in pain. However, when the blockage in my amygdala cleared up, I realized that it was thanks to them that I had come this far. My mother always believed in me and supported me, no matter how crazy and messy my stories were.

My father, who despite… (I can’t say here) never gave up providing thousands of kilotons of knowledge from A to Z to feed the brain of his first child, who asked a thousand questions every day. And of course, Poe who, like my mother, never stopped, never gave up, facing the difficult person that I am. He always believed in everything I said and provided moral and financial support to every theory I tried to achieve.

So I don’t need to bother experimenting with fundraising from parties whose petty interests are based ONLY on power politics and money. I am free to explore anything and bring to life the concepts that come to mind every day.

Trust, support, and companionship are basic needs of every human being. And so it is with me. So every step I’ve taken so far is always based on the main “WHY” and hopefully creates the same ripple effect on many people around me so that we can continue to grow, and achieve the connected society we have always dreamed of.

As my psychologist said, “I survived the traumatic effects and thrived. It is what it is.“

Jul29

Mount Buller: Lesson Learned!

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Mount Buller: Lesson Learned!

Ever since my best friend Niar told me that there is a snow mountain in Melbourne, I was really curious. I did some research and found out that the snow in Australia is not as cold as the snow in Europe during winter. This made me even more curious.

The fear of cold

So, I actually have a fear of cold weather. Hehehe…

You see when I was little, it became a belief. Everyone always said that my asthma would act up if I got too cold. It made me reluctant to take morning showers, especially with cold water, because I was afraid of getting too cold. I became scared of going to places with cold weather. Because it always turned out to be true, every time I got cold, my asthma would act up.

Until one day, it wasn’t true. Hahaha…

Allergies are mysterious symptoms, well, at least in my case. I don’t know about others. But for me, it’s a mystery. Because when I was little, I rarely had itching or eczema. That was my younger brother’s problem – he had skin issues and would get swollen if he ate shrimp. But I always had difficulty breathing. Sitting on a carpet, breathless. Getting cold, breathless. Having the flu, breathless. Feeling tired, breathless. Every time before an exam, breathless. When facing a serious problem, breathless. Running, breathless.

So, I was always equipped with a bunch of medications in a Tupperware, complete with three inhalers. One to use every morning, one before bed, and one to treat a sudden asthma attack

Isn’t that pitiful?

Why was it so intense? Because my mom knew that asthma could be life-threatening. Plus, I would often faint. If my asthma worsened and became severe, I would faint anywhere, anytime. It was troublesome, really! That’s why my mom always tried to be close to my friends, teachers, and everyone around me so that they could take care of me and inform my mom if she was not around.

If we ask a doctor, they always said that I shouldn’t keep a cat. When I arrived home, my mom said, “If I forbid you from having a cat, you will be sad, and your asthma will worsen. It seems like cats are not the trigger. As long as you promise to take good care of them so that the cat doesn’t get dirty and doesn’t bring diseases from outside…” That’s what I held onto tightly, and I always made an effort to take all preventive measures, such as getting TORCH tests done during pregnancy.

I would do anything so that people don’t have a reason to drive them away from me.

Well, before I learned about trauma and the brain, I actually never knew what triggered my asthma. Especially since I got bitten by a stone fish on Ora Island, I developed eczema, and until now, it often flares up, a double dare: Asthma and eczema.

Now I know that there are many things that trigger my asthma, and psychological factors play the biggest role. The rest is related to the immune system, and taking care of the immune system is closely related to living according to the circadian clock. Eating what the body needs, staying active, getting enough sleep, drinking plenty of water, and providing the right “food” for the brain to stay healthy.

Finally, I realized that it has nothing to do with the cold (realized it at the age of 37, hahaha).

So, I became brave enough to try many things that used to frighten me; taking cold showers, early morning showers, swimming in super cold water, and eventually challenging myself to conquer this fear of the cold by traveling to Mount Buller, Australia.

Preparing to face myself

Every time I travel abroad, I always choose a season that I believe I can handle. Mostly early autumn because the weather is really nice, around 23-26 degrees Celsius, comfortable. Not too hot, but not too cold. One jacket is enough, and walking feels comfortable because my cheeks don’t sting from the cold.

This time, we visited Melbourne for the third time. So far, it has always been in autumn, but this time we decided to experience winter. I was kind of worried, of course. I read and watched everything I could learn about winter in Melbourne and especially Mount Buller. Finally, I chose three main goals that made me confident I wouldn’t back down:

1. Wanna go dog sledding

2. Wanna see Ara wearing Elsa’s outfit under the snow (that’s her wish, haha)

3. Wanna see Abib skiing (that’s his wish too)

I discussed it with Poe, chose accommodation, and booked it. When we arrived in Melbourne, every day I whispered to Poe, “I’m so nervous about going to Buller.” Every day. Poe just smiled and hugged me. Meanwhile, he kept busy “securing” everything with snow gear, starting from Merino wool long johns with the right thickness to face Mt. Buller, jackets and snow pants, beanies, gloves, and boots.

For the kids, we bought from Ausky and MacPac, but I only bought long johns, a beanie, a jacket, and gloves. Poe only bought gloves and long johns. We rented our skiing gear at the Ski Hire in the Arlberg Hotel, so don’t worry; there are plenty of rental options available. But remember, you must buy the gloves and long johns because they don’t offer rentals for those items.

I tried to “secure” my own mindset, breathing in, breathing out, and surrendering myself. But of course, I also equipped myself with healthy food and drinks to take care of my immune system. I tried to believe that I could do it!

Meet Allan from Snow Gum Express

Oh, by the way, as additional information in case you want to go to Buller. We planned to take a bus from the city to Buller. But when we did some research, we found out that for the bus, we had to be at the pool by 5:30 am, and then we would get off at Mansfield. From there, we would continue with the Mount Buller bus to reach our accommodation. Poe and I were a bit nervous because we had the kids, one big suitcase, and no experience with this.

So, we tried to find options for private transfers from the city to Mount Buller. We stayed at the Arlberg Apartments, at the top of the mountain. Thankfully, they were very cooperative and helpful. Every time we had questions or needed assistance, we contacted them through the chat on booking.com (oh, how I love this app so much), and they always responded and provided solutions.

They even gave us three recommendations for private transfer services. We tried contacting all three, as usual with our last-minute style. Only one vendor responded and, Alhamdulillah agreed to provide the service right away and even offered a discount. Considering that there were many tourists at Mount Buller, and they were busy shuttling between the city and Mount Buller every day, we felt really lucky.

Its name is Snow Gum Express. This small business is managed by Allan, who also drives and handles administrative tasks. He is assisted by two other freelance drivers and also Sebastian, his son who just turned 25 on July 15th. After contacting Allan a few times and agreeing on the pickup time and round-trip private transfer, we paid with a credit card, and we were good to go. It was a blessing.

The journey with Allan to the destination was a delightful experience! Allan is actually quite old to drive every day. I admire his strength because the journey of over 3 hours from Melbourne City to Mount Buller is quite challenging. We were picked up at 10 am in a HiAce, and throughout the journey, Allan shared many stories.

From the city’s history, the history of Melbourne, and James Cook to the exciting stories of his own life. I knew he often gets tired, but I was happy because we took the country roads and made frequent stops to visit bakeries, buy coffee, use the restroom, and stretch our legs. We passed through many districts, and Allan explained everything in great detail. It was so enjoyable to see the farms, plantations, and houses in the village. It was a treat for my eyes.

Unfortunately, Sebastian drove us back, and he wasn’t as talkative as his father. But it’s all right because by the time we headed back, we were super tired, and the kids slept a lot during the journey. It was a pleasant trip with Snow Gum, highly recommended.

Conquering fear

Stepping on the snow for the first time left me amazed. The lyrics of Ed Sheeran’s song from his latest album, “The Hills of Aberfeldy,” immediately came to mind. Yes, it was very cold for me, even though I was wearing multiple layers of clothing and a jacket. But the kids looked comfortable and were so happy, rolling in the snow and engaging in snowball fights.

Seeing that, the cold didn’t feel as biting anymore. Why do I feel comfortable in my heart? Why am I so happy?

We stayed there for 3 days and 2 nights, and Allah was so good to us because we were continuously blessed with unexpected surprises. Like the Dog Sled, for example. Since the beginning, Allan mentioned that it seemed like the dog sled rides were fully booked until next month. But, he said, we could still visit the place and play with the dogs.

So, we went there and played with those 40 energetic Siberian huskies. I didn’t have high hopes anymore since the sled drivers had also said they were fully booked. Well, just seeing the snow dogs was already delightful. Suddenly, while we were having fun playing, one of the staff called me and said that they had guests who arrived at the wrong time. Their scheduled dog sled ride was supposed to be tomorrow, but they came today. So, there was an empty slot available for tomorrow. We could use it. I cheered with joy, feeling incredibly happy! Wow, truly lucky!

When I finally got on the sled and even tried being a sled driver, I felt like my head was going to explode from pure joy. All this time, I had only watched it in movies and documentaries, often feeling amazed at how happy the dogs looked as they pulled the sleds. This time, I truly felt it. The cold didn’t bother me anymore because it seemed like all the enjoyable experiences in Mount Buller had warmed my heart.

“Wow, Nyanyak you did it! This is the last day in the snow and no problems at all! Impressive!” said Poe, hugging me. Yes, I managed to conquer the fear that I had believed in for decades. I was healthy, not asthmatic, not in a panic, and not frozen. Yes, I didn’t play in the snow as much as the kids did because I am aware of my capacity. I know, I get colder more easily compared to them or other people. I know I shouldn’t get wet to avoid getting cold. But I enjoy it! I try everything, from skiing, and taking the cable car, to sliding on the snow and making a snowman. Then, I eat A LOT, hahaha..

Mount Buller is friendly and “warm”

The air may be below zero degrees Celsius, but it feels comfortable there. Besides all the delicious food and many exciting games, the people there are friendly and enjoyable. Suddenly, we become acquainted with many people. Including one of them, Mark, who is originally from Dunedin, New Zealand, and works part-time during the ski season at Ski Hire Arlberg. Mark, spent 3 months in Lombok and fell in love with Indonesia.

Suddenly, we play with others, greet each other when we meet on the cable car, laugh together when trying to ski, and fall. Ara, who was left alone when the three of us were trying to ski (well, I mean Poe and I, because Abib was skiing like an expert and was invited to the expert location by Mark), suddenly got invited by some older kids to learn how to ski. They taught her, held her, and helped her slide.

We got to know each other and played together. Yes, maybe because it’s cold and there are potential risks, makes everyone looks out for each other. It feels like a society that I have imagined all this time, where we care for and protect each other, without looking at who they are, what they look like, or where they come from. It’s very warm.

Fake Snow

I also learned that some of the snow comes from snowmaking machines. It’s not natural snow. The locals who live there tell stories that in the past, snow in Mount Buller used to heavily fall, even reaching the lower regions that now no longer have snow. But now, the amount of snowfall has decreased.

So, the snow in Mount Buller actually comes from the Antarctic, which is relatively close. There are several mountains in Victoria that receive snowfall every winter. However, now it’s becoming scarce, and according to the locals there, it doesn’t feel as cold as before. I realized that we, living in the tropical air and under the blazing sun, are getting hotter day by day, but we are accustomed to the heat. It must be a significant difference for them, from being cold to not feeling as cold anymore.

It’s really sad. I started enjoying sitting by the window at night, listening to the howling wind that sounds like the Yeti in Tintin’s storybook. It’s like the enchanting song of the Athaholan in Frozen 2. Then I think about how I never really thought about snow before. Yes, I often read and watch things about polar bears, but I didn’t feel a strong connection because I have never experienced it.

It becomes even more heartbreaking and suffocating, after realizing that snow is just as beautiful as the beaches in Indonesia. Everyone has felt that the environment is changing. It’s not just the people in Indonesia who are tired of facing floods, landslides, earthquakes, and droughts all at once. The world’s treasures are not only tropical forests, rainforests, oceans, beaches, and volcanoes, but also snow.

The existence of everything keeps this planet balanced, fulfilling its role as intended.

So, besides learning to be brave and face my own fears, I also learn that taking care of the Earth and its balance means taking care of all its treasures. Something that is given for free by God but is being fought over and destroyed for unknown reasons.

*sigh

Hopefully, we can all mature and stop behaving like toddlers fighting over toys. Because it turns out that the entire Earth is filled with beauty that God has prepared for all of us, each creature, no one left behind. Just have what is meant for us, and take good care of it, because this is all we have.

We don’t have any other options, you know. Where else can we live?

Thank you so much, Mount Buller, for the lessons, friends, hospitality, warmth behind the cold wind, and beautiful memories. Now I am more confident that I am human, capable of living anywhere and adapting well. But I will remain determined to resist adapting to the climate crisis; I choose to take mitigation actions.

Because I want my children and their children to enjoy all the beauty on this Earth in the future. I promise I will strive even harder. For them.

Jul24

How I Overcome Burnout (and learn to be slower)

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Burn out.

It seems like it has been a long time since I last felt it. Because in the past 5 years, I’ve become more capable of understanding myself. Know exactly when my body needs rest, when I still have energy, when it’s time to socialize, and when it’s time to enjoy my own company.

But in 2023, it’s the year I planned as a defining moment for my life plans for the next 10 years. I need to ensure that all my business units thrive this year so that I can take a moment to continue my studies. So, I’ve been using my hyper-focused mode and continuously pushing forward, forgetting to hit the brakes.

In early June, I became aware that my shoulders and back were hurting every day. But because I was in hyper-focused mode, I didn’t consider taking a break. I exercised, thinking my body needed it.

Maybe it did, but it seems like what I really needed was rest.

Especially because June is the mid-year evaluation month, right? So, my mind is full. In addition, I have to organize several travel plans for this year that need to be done. And on top of that, there are surprises from new ideas and crazy collaborations that sometimes make me sigh and recite the mantra “Enough YASMINA, focus first!”

Suddenly, I received an amazing opportunity from UN Women and Seedstars to be part of the Asia Pacific care business accelerator program. Only 13 entrepreneurs were selected, and I must go to Malaysia for a seminar on the care business in mid-June. It’s great news that came out of the blue for me. I’m very grateful, but it turns out I’m overwhelmed.

Not long after that, Poe also mentioned that by the end of June, we must go to Solo because there is a cousin’s wedding, and in early July, we will definitely go to Melbourne for 2 weeks.

Can you imagine what a mess is going on in my head?

Just writing about it makes me feel nauseous.

Ever since I started learning to understand myself and my body’s needs, I’ve always been able to schedule based on my capacity and the need for rest. Yes, I still have trouble falling asleep quickly. But it’s not always for work; usually, when I’m very tired, I take the opportunity to read a book and relax in dim lighting. So, my body is already in rest mode.

But yesterday, with all the agendas and overwhelming workload, I didn’t even have a chance to digest one thing at a time. I immediately switched to autopilot mode and tried to handle everything well.

Is everything done? Yes, everything is done. But what’s not right is my condition.

Every plan and execution can be carried out well, even though I collapsed in Malaysia.

Sudden Asthma Attack.

I learned a lot about trauma from knowledgeable people through online classes, books, and various resources. It feels like self-medication because I discovered that asthma and allergies are closely related to various psychological issues, including trauma.

As I learned more about it, I feel like I’m getting to know myself better. Because it feels like, “Oh, this is the real problem!” So, all the medications I’ve been taking and the therapies I’ve undergone since childhood seem to have been in vain.

Why suddenly talk about asthma? It’s because I suddenly had an asthma attack while I was in Malaysia. After years of not having any issues, it just came back out of nowhere. It was quite surprising, but hey, that’s life.

Even though I was only there for 4 days, maybe there was just too much going on in my head, and I was traveling alone for the first time since having a child. Even though I used to go everywhere by myself way before I have children. So, there was asthma, fever, and being alone with a super hectic schedule.

I felt like I wasn’t functioning properly, couldn’t think, and my energy was completely drained. Walking was even more difficult. It was a mess. I could still push through, but it felt like I was only operating at 30% of my energy. I know I can’t expect understanding from anyone because no one should be expected to understand what I’m feeling, and it’s not anyone’s fault.

I realize that it’s not anyone’s fault. Not mine, not the sudden event’s fault, and no one is at fault here. It’s just something that can happen to anyone at any time, and it can’t be avoided. So, it’s okay, I know what I need is rest. As much as possible, I try to utilize any free time I have, to sleep.

In Malaysia, because it was an accelerator program, I had to socialize. With limited social energy, I often escaped to the restroom just to sit and take a deep breath. I had to talk to hundreds of people about my business, and it felt like explaining my mother’s death to mourners who came.

It feels like drowning in the sea with my feet tied to a heavy iron. Like being forced to breathe with a pillow over my face. Like being trapped in a small room. My head hurts, my whole body hurts, and I can’t breathe.

I tried to keep eating and drinking, taking vitamins, to have extra energy.

I continuously wash my face to stay awake. I try to keep inhaling and exhaling to help regulate myself. I accept what happened on those days, I have no regrets, and I admit that I am overwhelmed. I am experiencing burnout.

I know, eventually, I will be okay again. Although the process may take a while before I can think clearly again.

Unable to function.

Because after coming back from Malaysia, I was still reluctant to talk, reluctant to even look at the laptop or phone screen. Let alone posting on social media. I went to the office for 2 days, physically present but my mind was elsewhere. It was really difficult to concentrate and be myself as usual. On top of that, there was a UNESCO meeting, I had to pack for a trip to Solo and pack for a trip to Melbourne.

Finally, I called a massage therapist to come to my house, and she was surprised by how tense my body was. I tried to optimize rest at home as best as possible. On Eid al-Adha, I only went to my in-laws’ house briefly and spent the rest of the time just lounging around at home. I’m very grateful to have a husband and children who are well-connected with me. Because they can sense and see how I’m struggling with myself.

They know, I can’t meet other people right now. I’m having difficulty engaging in conversations. I’m going through something heavy because I can suddenly burst into tears and go blank. So, they’re always there to accompany me, help me prepare everything, hug me, and stroke my back. I don’t know what would have happened to me at that time if it weren’t for them.

The kind-hearted, sweet, and supportive colleagues at the office also sense something off inside me. So they don’t even ask me anything. Since I had finished most of my work before going to Malaysia, I only had to do a few simple tasks and assist with the event preparations that were already well-planned by the team lead.

I realized that God has been really good to me. Whatever happens to me, no matter how heavy it may be, from childhood until now, I’ve never been left to face it alone. I always have a support system that helps me stay calm and keep breathing.

That collapse mind was stayed from 20ish June, until I was able to think quite clearly when I set foot on Mount Buller, Victoria, Australia, on July 10th. That’s quite a journey, isn’t it?

In Solo, I stayed quiet and chose to make use of my free time by taking leisurely walks aimlessly with Abib. We talked, hugged, laughed, and rode a becak. The next day, we woke up early and took a becak to find breakfast. We ate fruits while squatting at the market. Laughing together.

The same goes for the two-week trip to Melbourne. Every day, we hugged each other. Every day, we enjoyed our journey without a strict itinerary. Of course, I still had some work to do, but it wasn’t anything heavy. Just visits a children’s disability expo and three daycares there for learning purposes.

The rest of the time, we played with animals, had coffee, ate, played in the snow, wandered around the city, sat down snacking while watching music performances, rolled on the grass, and chased birds. I was so detached that it became difficult for me to have conversations with my best friend, who was actually the reason I went to Melbourne. Yes, I went there to meet with her and her family, but it was challenging for me to have relaxed and casual conversations like before.

I apologize for my condition when I returned because I wasn’t in an optimal state. I’m sure she understood, and I promise myself that I owe it to her to enjoy leisure time together when I am fully functioning again.

How I Overcome Burnout

For me, daydreaming is crucial in maintaining my mental well-being. In Malaysia, at night, I would open the curtains and daydream while looking at the sky. The same goes in Melbourne, even in the cold weather, I still enjoyed spending 10-15 minutes alone on the balcony to daydream.

People with conditions like mine have constantly buzzing minds. The thoughts never stop. Often, they don’t match the body’s condition. It’s like my mind keeps pushing me to do something when my body is already asking for rest. So daydreaming helps me empty those noisy thoughts and rest my body.

Setting boundaries is also important in dealing with burnout. I know that I don’t want to talk. I don’t respond to anyone. I don’t want to have interactions with other people besides my significant others. So that’s what I do. I don’t force myself to do things I don’t want to do, just to maintain some level of functioning to be a good mother and leader.

Yes, boundaries are closely related to the ability to set priorities. It’s not too difficult for me, as I am stubborn and know exactly what I want. What’s difficult is to sit down and feel the feelings. I constantly try to find solutions, maximize my functionality, and make efforts to get back to normal.

But yes, as my psychologist says, “I feel you feeling me!” That’s what I must do. Feel the feelings, feel my feelings. It’s EXTREMELY CHALLENGING. That’s why, to do that, I just sit there, alone, and experience all those emotions. Sometimes it leads to crying, sometimes it brings me peace, and sometimes I fall asleep. But giving myself the chance every day to learn how to sit with those feelings slowly restores my functionality bit by bit.

39 years old

This trip to Melbourne, aside from visiting my friend, it’s also a birthday trip for Poe, me, and Ara, as all of us have birthdays in July. So, this trip is really special. I received a birthday gift of spending the whole day at Maru Koala and animal park because I requested to celebrate our birthdays together with Poe, Ara, Abib, and animals.

It feels great to spend the entire day there, sitting leisurely on the grass, staring at the duck-filled lake, enjoying the gentle breeze and tranquil atmosphere, embraced by the people I love the most on this Earth. I feel complete and learn that it is truly important, and often forgotten, to give our bodies the most important gift, which is nature.

Rest for me is not just sleeping, as I have trouble sleeping anyway. But it’s about being slow, giving my lungs fresh air, giving my eyes green landscapes and animals, embracing those I hold dear, and providing my back with a vast expanse of nature to nurture and enjoy.

At 39 years old, I have learned once again that…

The best way to overcome burnout is through things that God, has already given us: the universe, and family. It feels like being given an extra chance to breathe and live again.

Jun13

My Emotion Journey: Romantic Relationship

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My Emotion Journey: Romantic Relationship

My Emotion Journey: Romantic Relationship

Perjuangan saya untuk terus bisa memahami diri sendiri, dan beragam jenis perasaan yang seharusnya saya rasakan, sudah berlangsung lebih dari 10 tahun. Masih terus on-going, dan masih terus terapi. Maka masih terus menemukan sesuatu untuk diproses, sesuatu yang selama ini enggak pernah saya lakukan, karena saya memilih untuk menghindari segala sesuatu.

Belakangan ini saya baru sadar lagi, bahwa saya enggak bisa memahami ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP. Saya baru sadar, karena anak saya sudah pre-teen dan mulai merasakan jatuh cinta lalu patah hati. Ketika beragam emosi muncul, dan ternyata bermuara dari romantic relationship. Iya, sehat kok karena dia masih cerita dan dia enggak takut untuk menyatakan emosinya.

Yang enggak sehat ibuknya. Karena ketika dia cerita dengan penuh emosi meluap2, ibuknya diem freeze bengong. Oh My God, WHAT SHOULD I DO? Aku gak ngerti sedikitpun semua hal yang dia ceritakan ini. Gimana bisa bantuinnya?

Tentu dalam teknisnya, saya langsung meminta bantuan 911 alias bapaknya, yang langsung terbirit-birit ngebut pulang seakan ada kecelakaan besar. Hahahaha ya semata-mata karena bapaknya tau, untuk hal ini dia tidak bisa mengandalkan saya.

Padahal nih, kalau saya cerita bahwa anaknya jatuh, berdarah, bahkan harus ke UGD, dia santai aja dan membiarkan saya yang handle. Karena iya, saya bisa. Dan mungkin saya lebih mampu ketimbang dia, karena saya santai kalo ngadepin luka fisik. Kan berpengalaman. Nah luka hati karena urusan romantic ini yang sulit dipahami.

**

Tapi iya, saya beneran baru sadar kalau saya enggak paham sama sekali karena harus handle Abib. Emang selalu gitu ya? semua munculnya dari dia, gila, kalo gak karena dia yang emosinya sehat itu, tentu saya enggak akan pernah sampe kesini.

Saya jadi mikir-mikir, selama ini kan saya teman curhat dan pendengar yang cukup baik, semua orang curhat ke saya dan selalu saya tanggapi dengan tepat. Anak-anak muda di kantor itu juga curhat dan saya bantuin mereka memproses luka. Nah, saya jadi baru sadar bahwa enggak pernah ada orang yang curhat soal romantic relationship ke saya.

Wow, apakah teman-teman saya sudah sadar sejak dahulu kala, bahwa percuma curhat soal romantic relationship kepada Yasmina?

Nah ketika saya ceritakan hal ini ke psikolog saya yang bijaksana dan hebat itu, dia hanya bilang “Kamu tidak memahami romantic relationship, ketika berurusan dengan rasa. Basically, semua hal yang berkaitan dengan RASA itu, kamu gak ngerti…”

Ish, tapi saya kan pinter nulis, pinter bikin puisi, pinter ngegombal, bisa menyayangi anak-anak, bisa menyayangi mama, bisa menyayangi hewan…

“Oh iya, kamu emang pinter aja dari sananya. Kamu bisa memetakan pattern aksi-reaksi. Ya sekarang setelah melewati berbagai pemrosesan, kamu emang sudah mulai bisa memahami emosi. Tapi belum sampe ke RASA.

Oh dan kalau bicara soal mama, dan anak-anak, mereka itu significant others. Blood relatives. Kamu dan mereka itu pernah berbagi segalanya. Sudah tentu mereka terkoneksi rasa dengan kamu. Sementara hewan, bisa melihat sampe ke titik terkecil dan mereka tahu kamu punya rasa, hati yang sensitive, maka mereka bisa nempel sama kamu. Coba renungkan sebentar I FEEL YOU FEELING ME! Gimana rasanya mendengar kalimat itu?”

Sesungguhnya ketika ditanya “Gimana rasanya” saya biasanya bengong dan nyengir. Saya akan lebih sering bilang “Iya, gue tau!” TAU, bukan RASA. Karena saya bisa kok tau apa yang orang alami. Saya tau yang terjadi sama hidup seseorang. Saya tau apa yang sedang dia rasakan. Saya tau apa yang harus saya lakukan menghadapi orang itu.

Tapi saya tau, bukan saya rasa.

Sedih deh abis dibilang gitu sama psikolog. Iya, kok otak saya segininya ya jagain saya?

Saya paham kok, ini semua terjadi sebagai bentuk penjagaan seluruh organ fisik saya, yang diperintah oleh Yang Maha Kuasa, agar saya selamat. Agar saya bisa melakukan hal-hal yang saya lakukan sekarang. Buat orang banyak.

Karena saya cukup gila untuk jadi orang yang kepengen banget jagain society buat masa depan anak-anak. Karena ternyata saya cukup aneh untuk membaca ratusan jurnal, mengikuti ratusan kelas dan rapat Bersama para pemimpin dunia, bergabung dalam komunitas dan menyuarakan mereka yang tidak bisa bersuara. Saya cukup nekad untuk memulai bisnis dan melakukan ekspansi dengan modal kolaborasi hasil maksain semua orang untuk ikut bergerak.

Keras kepala ga ada obat.

Saya selalu berpikir, karena saya cukup gila, pemberani dan kuat maka saya enggak takut sama apapun. Saya gak tau, ternyata, saya takut sama “PAIN”.

Makanya akhirnya badan saya memaksakan diri untuk terus menaikkan ambang batas rasa saya sampe ke titik, apapun enggak kerasa. Makanya saya seringkali eksesif dalam banyak hal. Makan pedes bisa sampe level 10, luka baret darah netes2 enggak kerasa, disikat silet buat ngambil bisa kesakitan tapi bisa bertahan.

Gak tidur 3 hari dan survive. Detak jantung berhenti, idup lagi. Semua itu bukan karena saya kuat, tapi justru karena saya payah. Saya enggak berani melakukan yang orang-orang lain berani lakukan: merasakan sakit. Menangis. Being vulnerable. Minta bantuan. Menceritakan duka. Menghadapi kenyataan bahwa hidup itu memang painful.

Semua itu bikin saya enggak bisa merasakan banyak hal. Tadinya, sebelum terapi, saya bahkan hanya bisa memahami dua emosi: seneng dan marah. Sekarang udah jauh membaik, saya udah bisa delegasi, sudah bisa minta bantuan, sudah bisa nangis. Tapi masih harus terus ditelusuri. Masih harus terus diobati dan dipahami.

Bukan penyebabnya, itu mah saya tau kok karena sudah diproses di awal banget terapi. Sekarang digali rasanya, karena dia ada disitu, tapi saya yang enggak berani aja ngambilnya. Saya aja yang gak berani nyolek2nya karena takut gak berfungsi, karena udah kebayang pedihnya. Soalnya bertahun2 ini aja memproses emosi sampe bisa ke titik ini, pedihnya gak keruan.

Saya bisa tiba-tiba lemes, gak bisa gerak dan nangis gak berhenti. Demam tinggi, kepala sakit, perut mual dan enggak bisa turun dari tempat tidur karena semuanya abu-abu. KATA SIAPA HEALING ITU ENAK DAN MENYENANGKAN? Yang enak mah travelling, proses sampe ke healing itu sakit!!!!

Jadi, ternyata bukan sekadar enggak bisa memahami romantic relationship kok saya ini. Basically saya enggak bisa memahami rasa. Eh salah, belum! bukan enggak! Saya yakin pasti bisa!

Pelan-pelan deh diproses lagi. Oiya menurut psikolog saya, caranya adalah dengan menuliskan the story of my life dari sudut pandang orang ketiga. Disclaimer ya, saya akan melakukan ini dengan bimbingan ahli. Jadi jangan coba2 melakukannya sendiri tanpa bimbingan.

Karena:

  1. Treatment setiap orang beda
  2. Daya tahan setiap orang beda
  3. Kasus setiap orang beda

Jadi, kalau ada yang mengalami hal-hal yang mirip dengan yang saya alami, yuk cari psikolog. Kalau mau minta rekomendasi, message me ya. saya bisa ngasih rekomendasi selama masih di Jakarta.

Saya percaya, saya pasti bisa break the cycle! Saya pasti bisa mencintai anak-anak dengan lebih baik. Karena saya pernah jadi anak, dan saya tau betapa butuhnya sama sama orang tua saya. Betapa cintanya saya ke mereka. Betapa kepengennya saya ditemani dan dibersamai, disayang, dijaga.

Selalu, enggak pernah enggak.

Jadi kalau anak ABG saya itu bertingkah, dan berprilaku layaknya ABG yang otaknya lagi direnovasi, bukan karena dia udah gak butuh saya. Justru di saat-saat terberat peralihan otak anak-anak ke remaja ini, dia lagi butuh2nya sama saya. Dia lagi pengen2nya ditemani. Saya tau, kan saya juga pernah melewati usia itu.

Kalau saya gak bisa menemani diri saya, enggak bisa memberikan kebutuhan diri sendiri, dan enggak bisa memberikan waktu untuk diri saya dicintai, gimana saya mau memberikan semua itu ke anak-anak saya?

May28

ENGGAK BISA!

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Wow sudah satu tahun lebih tidak menulis di sini. Apakah masih ada yang membaca blog?

Eh tapi ya saya menulis disini karena saya sangat suka menulis, apalagi menulis panjang. Meski hari gini profil pembaca lebih banyak yang mengalami kesulitan menikmati tulisan panjang, tapi enggak apa. Saya senang menulis, maka saya menulis. Itu aja kok.

Kalau dibaca dan bermanfaat, mangga.

Oh ditambah saya sekarang jadinya lebih sering menulis di laman Instagram, tentu dalam versi yang lebih ringkas, karena dibatasi hehehe..

Namun beberapa waktu silam, saya sempat terpikir. Kok kayanya sudah lama saya enggak menulis di blog, padahal saya suka sekali melakukannya. Belakangan saya sering didaulat menjadi pembicara, dan sepertinya saya jadi berubah Haluan. Padahal enggak. Kalau ada yang memerhatikan cara saya bicara, saya selalu bicara dengan alur seperti alur menulis. Hehe karena basicnya memang menulis.

Nah, hari ini saya mau cerita soal “Enggak bisa!”

Karena beberapa waktu lalu saya mengalami kejadian yang membuat saya merasakan hal ini…

**

Saya paling sebel sama orang yang bilang “Enggak bisa!” Karena saya enggak percaya ada yang engggak bisa di dunia ini. Pilihannya antara gak mau atau males.

Tapi apa sih definisinya?

Iya, maksudnya “gak mungkin gak bisa” itu bukan maksain ikan manjat pohon atau serigala terbang. Tapi gak bisa yang cocoklogi. Seperti misalnya “Gue emang introvert jadi gue gak bisa ngomong di depan orang banyak” atau “Gue kan sanguin maka kamar gue ya gak bisa rapi”

Ah itu mah males aja.

Gini, gimana kalo kita liatnya dari big picture ya. Goals nya apa? Kalo goals nya tu ikan harus sampe ke atas pohon, maka kita bisa cari cara yg bukan maksain ikan itu manjat. Kan bisa pake alat. Bikin katrol yang bawa ikan sama airnya sampe ke atas pohon, misalnya. Tinggal taro di dalam kotak isi air dan naikin deh ke atas pohon.

Gitu lho.

Jadi, ada nih orang kaya saya yang emang senengnya melihat sesuatu dari big pictures, mapping, riset, bikin konsep. Tapi begitu barangnya jadi dan harus bikin event, saya nyerah. Bukan apa, event itu kan detailing ya prosesnya. Saya gak tahan. Saya gak sabar dan saya bosen bikin gituan. Saya senengnya ngide.

Nah trus itu namanya gak bisa dong min? Ya bisa. Apa iya kalo saya bisa ngonsep trus event nya jadi gak jalan? Ya enggak.

Disinilah masuk kolaborasi. Makanya hidup jangan perkara kompetisi aja, tapi kompetensi dong. Kompetensi saya adalah ngonsep. Saya ngerjainnya sama Dhani yang kompetensinya detailing. Jadi abis Saya ngonsep, mangga Dhani detailing. Gitu lho.

Mau pake analogi ikan? Ya bisa. Misalnya goalsnya ngumpulin sampah di satu hutan. Ya bagi tugas aja dong. Nyet, lo ambil sampah di atas pohon. Ikan, pungutin yg ada di air. Serigala, ambil yang ada di gua. Kumpulin deh. Berhasil gak? Ya berhasil dong.

(Langsung kepikiran bikin cerita anak hauahahahaha)

**

Ya kalo pikirannya kaya sistem sekolah jaman dulu, akhirnya maksa. Semua harus bisa semua. Ya gak gitu konsepnya. Yang dikejar apa? Goals kan? Ya bagi tugas. Makanya project-based itu penting. Bukan cuma grade-based.

Karena kalo idup perkara grade-based maka kita akan bikin soal ujian yang sama dan semua orang harus ngerjain hal yang sama. Padahal kalo kerja, ada bagian masing-masing. Enggak kepake kan grade yang harus sama terus itu?

Ujungnya tetep goals. Bagian marketing, bagian keuangan, bagian sales, bagian operasional, hrd, semua harus ngerjain bagiannya masing-masing dan goalsnya bisa tercapai. Main bola aja bagi-bagi tugas. Ngapain kiper jadi striker, gawang ga ada yang jaga dong.

Lalu apa si introvert bisa disuruh ngomong depan orang banyak? Bisa. Tapi dia pasti gak suka.

Kalo bisa kolaborasi kenapa enggak? Introvert yg bikin konsepnya, yang ngomong ya mereka yang seneng ngomong. Kalo kepaksa mau gak mau dia harus ngomong? Ya bisa kalo belajar.

Tapi itu dia, introvert, sanguin, sagitarius, INTJ itu kan namanya penyamarataan bukan penyetaraan. Sama lho dengan statement “orang padang pasti pelit” emang semua org padang pelit? Ya enggak.

Yang dimaksud dengan setara itu adalah tailormade. Si A kalo dipaksa ngedetailin, hasilnya selalu jelek. Tapi dia bagus banget kalo harus approach klien. Si B approachnya jelek, tapi bikin MOM bagus banget. Yaudah kerjasama aja, gajinya sama besarnya.

Emang kalo lo bisa ngerjain semua trus lo paling bagus? Itu kan kaya multitasking. Otak manusia gak dibuat untuk multitasking!

Kenapa? Karena dengan kebiasaan multitasking, kita gak mindful. Kita gak pernah presence. Hasilnya pasti gak optimal.

Kalo lagi makan, ya makan aja jangan sambil-sambil. Kalo lagi meeting ya meeting aja jangan sambil whatsappan. Saya sih gak suka kalo lagi meeting trus lawan bicara saya megang hp terus. Ya kaya jadi ibu deh, saya ngerasanya udah nemenin anak dari pagi sampe sore kok, tapi anak saya masih connection-seeker aja.

Coba reflection dulu, pas nemenin anak sambil megang hape gak? Anak tuh gak butuh ditemenin 24 jam kok. Dia kan juga manusia punya kesukaannya masing-masing. Tapi kalau lagi waktu sama anak, ya udah anak aja yang jadi fokus. Bukan ngelayap kesana kemari pikirannya.

Meski cuma dikasih 30 menit sehari tapi full attention, cukup banget lho buat anak. Ketimbang seharian tapi disambil-sambil. Kalau saya harus menyelesaikan kerjaan juga selalu brief anak-anak dan bilang bahwa saya kerja selama 2 jam jangan diganggu. Habis ini saya akan temenin. Gak ada yg gangguin kok anak-anak tuh. Mereka bisa paham, dan tau bahwa saya enggak akan bohong.

Being presence artinya kita juga bisa kenal sama kompetensi kita based on diri sendiri bukan karena cocoklogi.

Iya saya enggak suka detailin sesuatu, kalo dipaksa bisa, tapi saya enggak suka dan pasti hasilnya gak optimal. Boleh ya saya dibantu? Saya percaya, hal Itu akan lebih baik karena kerjasama akan terbangun berdasarkan trust, dan yang penting goals tercapai.

Lagipula, tangan kita itu hanya dua lho. Enggak harus semuanya dikerjakan sendiri. Kenapa juga Allah menciptakan kita dengan mirror neuron? Kenapa juga kita diajarkan untuk empathy dan compassion sebagai mahluk sosial? Ya karena kita memang diciptakan untuk berkolaborasi. Diciptakan untuk saling membantu. Diharapkan untuk meminta bantuan, dan memberi bantuan. Enggak ada yang salah dengan itu..

**

Saya dan Poe juga gitu. Kalo saya ngabarin dia “Anak lo kerongkongannya kesedek sedotan, jadi sekarang gue lagi UGD ya ngecek..” atau “Anak lo muntah-muntah nih” apa dia ngebut pulang? Enggak. Tapi kalo saya bilang “Helep anak lo patah hati, gue gak tau harus ngomong apa” dia langsung ngebut pulang.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Ya karena dia tau, bininya ini bodoh banget aja urusan romantic relationship (kapan2 deh saya ceritain). Jadi dia tau ini urgent. Kalo urusan luka, atau sakit, dia tau saya bisa handle. Maka dia santai aja. Hehehehe…kocak kan? Tapi ya itu namanya bagi tugas. Kompetensi saya ada di hal-hal yang kaku. Karena saya akan langsung tau solusi dan saya punya toolsnya.

Sementara urusan perasaan, saya banyak begonya. Ya dia tau saya gak bisa, maka dia yang handle. Enak lho kaya gitu. Artinya dia percaya sama saya. Maka saya merasa mampu dan bisa berpikir jernih. Tapi saat gue emang enggak bisa, dia pulang, dan saya juga senang karena saya tau, saya enggak sendirian membesarkan anak.

Bukan karena cocoklogi. Tapi karena kompetensi. Bukan mementingkan kompetisi. Tapi mendahulukan koneksi.

Karena hanya dengan koneksi, kita tau banget kapasitas orang ada dimana. Kita tau, kita bisa bantuin dimana dan kita tau, kapan kita bisa percaya. Itu, yang namanya: setara.

**

Close-up of hands tearing the word on paper, I Can’t become I Can.

Jadi ada yang gak bisa? Enggak ada. Semua pasti bisa. Mulai dari goals besarnya apa, breakdown ke objectives, lalu breakdown ke list to do, bagi-bagi tugas dan tentukan deadline. Jangan lupa reflection untuk monitoring dan evaluasi mana yang belum optimal dikerjakan, agar jadi pembelajaran, lalu diperbaiki lagi.

Gak ada yang gabisa. Gak ada nyerah. Kalo capek, istirahat. Kalo sedih, nangis. Kalo bosen, cari hiburan. Kalo kesel, ya kesel trus regulasi diri.

Habis itu? Jalanin lagi. Saya memilih untuk meminimalisir drama. Saya percaya, mendingan breakdown goals sebelum mental breakdown.

Ya gak?

Sip!

Jun28

Menjadi manusia lewat Pendidikan berbasis koneksi

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Kalo diminta menggambarkan diri sendiri dalam 1 kata? Yasmina itu adalah: manusia.

Kalo disuruh ngecap diri dgn diagnosis ala2, keknya ya itu aja; MANUSIA.


Ciri-ciri ADHD ada di gua; kepala cepet bgt muter terus ga pernah berhenti dan lompat-lompat penuh ide gak keruan jelimet, badan gak bisa diem, tangan ga bisa diem, masalah sensori jelas nyata adanya, mulut gak bisa diem (kalo ga ngomong ya ngunyah), gue suka tantangan bahkan jarang takut dan gue susah tidur.

Tapi,
Gue bisa menyelesaikan hal-hal yang gue mulai dengan baik, gue runut dan bisa memetakan masalah dari ujung sampai pangkal. Gue bisa menjadwalkan diri sendiri dengan baik, disiplin, taat aturan (meski ngelawan aturan juga bisa kalo perlu). Yaaah maksudnya, gue cukup fleksibel sama berbagai perubahan.
Gue bisa ngomong depan orang banyak kalo diperlukan, meski sebetulnya ya gak suka. Gue suka rapi bersih dan keteraturan, gue gak suka dipegang dan dempet-dempetan, tapi gue suka megang orang bahkan meluk (asal gue yg mulai). Gue suka dengerin cerita orang dan bisa diem banget kalo di suasana baru.

Lalu ciri-ciri Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) juga ada di gue; gue gak tahan sama suara kencang dan lampu terang, gue bisa lihat, dengar dan merasakan sesuatu sangat dalam bahkan suara hati orang aja bisa kedengeran, gue suka sendirian dan bengong, gue gak tahan sama beberapa tekstur, gue gak suka small talk.

Tapi gue suka konser (keramaian yang gue gak perlu basa basi sama siapapun), gue suka keramaian kalo isinya circle yg gue nyaman, gue galak setengah mati, tapi gue mudah nangis kalo issuenya menyentuh sanubari. Gue lbh suka menyapa hewan dan tanaman ketimbang manusia, gue gak mudah tersinggung selama yang disinggung bukan karya.

Gue mudah sayang, tapi gak mudah percaya sama orang. Gue bisa memaafkan, tapi jarang (atau ga pernah?) ngasih kesempatan kedua.

Kalau secara MBTI, gue udah ngecek sampe 3 kali, hasilnya gak berubah: INTJ. Ini cocoklogi yang masih ngisi quiz kepribadian ya. Nah, kalau secara sensori tuh gue pernah belajar juga dari buku living sensationally; understanding your senses, kan setiap orang punya sensory patterns tuh.

Nah gue tuh lebih banyak ke seekers. Tau gak sih seekers? Seekers always want more, seekers can’t get enough; whatever seekers are interested in, they want more of it. Meskipun nih ya, at some point gue seringkali berubah menjadi si avoiders, yang leave the room when a crowd starts to gather, move away from people wearing cologne dan select solitary leisure activities. Ya si INTJ banget kan? Bayangkan, gue itu 87 persen introvert lho! Hahahhaa..

Apa dah itu diagnosisnya kalo bukan; manusia.

Yang jelas dari masa ke masa gue selalu berubah. Yasmina yg lo kenal waktu SD bukan yasmina yg sama waktu SMP. Begitu juga SMA, kuliah, kerja dan sekarang.

Tapi yang jelas gue nyaman sama diri gue sendiri dan hal yang paling gua suka di muka bumi ini adalah; BELAJAR.

Maka situasi dalam hidup gue jarang nyaman, karena tiap flow nya nyaman, gue pasti cari gara2. Mungkin karena gue sangat mudah bosan sama situasi stagnan, dan gue selalu penasaran.

Jadi yaudah, paling mudah menggambarkan gue dengan; MANUSIA. Karena gue gak terlalu percaya sama cocoklogi. Mengkotak2an diri dalam satu kelompok; zodiak, shio, MBTI, introvert/extrovert, sanguin/koleris/apalah. Ya gak fit in aja hanya dlm 1 cap.

I am all in between, karena gue manusia.

Dan anugrah paling hebat yang dikasih Allah untuk manusia adalah: OTAKNYA. Gila men, otak manusia tu punya jutaan fungsi lho dalam satu rangkaian yang saling sinergi. Tumbuh berkembang sesuai usia dan tahapan perkembangannya. Dari pembagian otak bagian bawah, dan otak bagian atas. Lalu otak kiri dan kanan. Sampai pembagian wilayah kekuasaan antara otak depan, tengah dan belakang.

Belum lagi neuron, sinaps, brain stem, cerebellum, wah gilaa sih otak kita itu miracle banget. With roughly 90 billion neurons creating immensely complex webs of connection, the brain not only controls the body, but also creates our ineffable sense of consciousness and identity.

Karena itu, gue juga jadi menyadari bahwa super power utama manusia: KEMAMPUAN ADAPTASI.
Sehebat-hebatnya hewan, kalo dia hewan gurun, ditaro di es ya mati. Vice versa. Lah manusia? Dimana aja bisa idup. Kan edan! Gue tuh pertama kali kenalan sama betapa mengagumkannya otak manusia itu dari kelas Positive psychology yang gue ikuti dan tentu saja dari miss Tia, si cerdas yang kalo ngobrol soal science sama gue gak ada ujungnya. Menyenangkan!

Sejak diperkenalkan pertama kali, gue langsung gak bisa berhenti belajar soal otak. Terlalu mengagumkan, gimana bisa berhenti, coba? Terlalu seru untuk dihentikan. Nah, karena belajar soal otak ini juga, gue akhirnya belajar soal cara-cara mengoptimalkan kemampuan otak dan diri kita sebagai manusia.

Dari mana? Tentu saja dari koneksi.

Attachment before achievement. Connection before correction

Manusia itu dimulai dari WHOLE CHILD, artinya each one of us is unique individual, shaped by many influences. Kalau mama dulu pernah berdecak kagum seraya mengatakan “Anak Cuma dua, tapi kaya bumi dan langit bedanya, padahal dulu di perut yang sama dan dibesarkan oleh orang yang sama..”
Ya kalau di agama kan diajarin bahwa kekuasaan Allah memang sebesar itu ya?! Bahkan setiap daun yang jatuh pun sudah merupakan ketentuan Allah, betul? Jadi memang enggak ada dua manusia yang sama persis. Makanya, enggak bisa diperlakukan sama persis.

Koneksi akan membantu kita memahami satu demi satu manusia, dan otomatis memperlakukannya sesuai dengan kebutuhan setiap orang tersebut. Karena empathy dan compassion kita sebagai manusia bisa tumbuh setelah terkoneksi.

Jadi apa sih koneksi itu? Kepercayaan dan rasa aman.

Artinya, sejak hamil, orang tua sudah memposisikan diri menjadi orang tua yang mengoptimalkan seluruh fungsi otaknya dengan baik. Tujuannya untuk mengaktifkan setiap bagian otak dalam rangka memberi rasa aman dan rasa percaya si anak ketika menjalani hari-harinya di dunia ini.

Pikiran kita terbentuk dari pengalaman-pengalaman yang kita alami. Nah, ketika kita terkoneksi dan merasa aman, otak kita akan berkembang dengan pola seperti itu. Jadi, memori kita akan memproses seluruh pengalaman dan respon penuh cinta dan kasih sayang yang diberikan oleh sosok yang mengasuh kita, dan menjadikan diri kita sebagai orang yang merespon dengan cara tersebut.

Maka, tanpa perlu cocoklogi, setiap manusia adalah whole child, pada awalnya. Kita punya elemen yang berbeda satu sama lain >> jika diasuh dengan koneksi, maka kita mampu beradaptasi dimanapun berada, apapun situasinya, bagaimana pun tantangannya.

WE’RE ALL IN BETWEEN! WE ARE HUMAN..

Apalagi gue orang Indonesia. Tau gak, Pancasila adalah warisan dari jenius Nusantara. Sesuai dengan karakteristik lingkungan alamnya, sebagai negeri lautan yang ditaburi pulau-pulau. Jenius Nusantara juga merefleksikan sifat lautan.

Sifat lautan adalah menyerap dan membersihkan, menyerap tanpa mengotori lingkungannya. Sifat lautan juga dalam keluasannya, mampu menampung segala keragaman jenis dan ukuran.

Mohammad Hatta melukiskan etos kelautan manusia Indonesia itu secara indah:
Laut yang melingkungi tempat kediamannya membentuk karakternya. Pecahan ombak yang berderai di tepi pantainya, dengan irama yang tetap, besar pengaruhnya atas timbulnya perasaan yang menjadi semangat bangsa. Penduduk yang menetap di daerah pantai saban hari mengalami pengaruh alam yang tak berhingga, yang hanya dibatasi oleh kaki langit yang makin dikejar makin jauh.

Bangsa-bangsa asing yang sering singgah di Indonesia dalam melakukan perniagaan dari negeri ke negeri, mendidik nenek moyang kami ini dalam pelbagai rupa, memberi petunjuk tentang barang-barang yang berharga dan tentang jalannya perniagaan. Last but not least, pertemuan-pertemuan yang tetap dengan bangsa-bangsa asing itu, orang Hindi, orang Arab, orang Tionghoa dan banyak lainnya, mengasah budi-pekertinya dan menjadikan bangsa kami jadi tuan rumah yang ramah.

Pada bangsa pelaut ini, keinginan untuk menempuh laut besar membakar jiwa senantiasa. Dengan perahunya yang ramping, dilayarinya lautan besar dengan tidak mengenal gentar, ditempuhnya rantau yang jauh dengan tiada mengingat takut (Hatta, 1960)

Iya, FLEKSIBEL. Iya, RESILIENS. Iya, INTERDEPENDEN. Iya, KREATIF. Iya, MAMPU BERKOLABORASI.

Makanya gue gak percaya sama teori kecocok2an itu. Manusia itu kalo kepepet makin jago. Manusia itu bisa terus berubah, dan bisa terus belajar, karena otak kita yang paling besar wilayahnya adalah si otak yang fungsinya untuk belajar.

Makanya hal yang paling menyebalkan adalah mendengar orang bilang “gak bisa” Cuma sebagai pembenaran karena dia “GAK MAU”..


Membangun pusat Pendidikan yang “melahirkan” manusia

Karena gue aneh, karena gue all in between, dan gak fit in di satu golongan doang, maka gue Menyusun kurikulum yang gue sesuaikan untuk semua jenis manusia. Yang menjadikan anak-anak itu manusia seutuhnya, alias bisa beradaptasi dimanapun.


Gue gak mau mengkotakkan pendidikan anak ke dalam 1 golongan aja, atau satu aliran Pendidikan saja. Anak lulusan ROOTS harus terkoneksi. Seperti apapun situasi mereka kelak, mereka bisa masuk dimana aja. Karena situasi hidup orang tua gak selalu ideal, maka anak berhak mendapatkan Pendidikan dasar yang memberikan kemampuan awal seorang manusia untuk beradaptasi.


Kemanapun nantinya mereka akan tinggal, bersekolah dan bergaul, anak-anak ini punya kemampuan untuk percaya dan merasa aman. Iya, terkoneksi…


**
Jadi sejauh ini, sebagai manusia aneh yang gak masuk di cap manapun, gue cuma yakin sama 2 hal. Gue percaya sama agama gue dan seluruh ajarannya, gue percaya bahwa gue orang Indonesia dan gue mencintai nilai dasar kebudayaan negara ini.


Sisanya gue fleksibel, kemana juga ayok, ngapain juga boleh, masuk golongan mana aja okelah. Neurodiversity, atypical, semua itu gue. Apa gue gak normal? Terserah deh.


Apa definisi normal, by the way?

Jun21

Berkarier? Kami bertumbuh Bersama di….. ROOTS LEARNING CENTER

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Waktu awal mendirikan TAMAN MAIN, kami berbagi peran berlima dan anggota tim lainnya hanya para caregivers. Semakin lama berjalan dan semakin besar kami tumbuh, hingga berganti nama menjadi ROOTS LEARNING CENTER, maka ekspansi mulai dilakukan.

Tumbuhlah PARENTING IS EASY. ROOTSY. HEALTHY ROOTS. Mulai banyak deh anggota tim kami. Jadi meski kami yang awalnya memulai berlima, berubah jadi bertiga, tapi geng-nya makin semarak. Maka ada AKAR FAMILY untuk memayungi semua unit.

Sekarang totalnya anggota tim kami di daycare, sekolah, dapur healthy roots dan di kantor sudah 30-an orang. Iya, jadi rame. Meski belum rame-rame amat, karena pandemi membuat anggota tim di daycare berkurang.

Dan bagi saya, Roots, sesuai Namanya; merupakan akar; tempat bertumbuh dan belajar. Tempat kita-baik anak maupun sesama orang dewasa- semua saling sayang dan saling jaga, bukan sekadar tempat bekerja.

Kurikulum connection-based 5 akar capaian tumbuh kembang tidak hanya digunakan di kelas maupun di daycare, namun juga di kehidupan kami sehari-hari.

Iya, connection before correction itu bukan hanya sesuatu yang bisa dilakukan di keluarga antara anak dan orang tua, tetapi juga di dunia kerja kok. Budaya kami di kantor tidak sibuk mencari siapa yang salah, atau buang badan dan melepaskan tanggung jawab, kami juga tidak sibuk saling sikut untuk posisi maupun gaji yang lebih baik.

Kalau ada yang kinerjanya menurun, kami akan sibuk berembuk dan berdiskusi; ada apa ya? Apa yang bisa kami bantu? Lalu kami akan bagi tugas untuk saling mengerjakan pekerjaan tersebut Bersama. Saya percaya, berorientasilah pada solusi, dengan itu kita enggak akan menyerah dan bilang “Enggak bisa” sebelum babak belur mencoba.

Anak-anak muda

Iya, anggota tim saya kebanyakan berasal dari generasi Z, kelahiran diatas 1996. Meski ada juga yang kelahiran 1994, 1992. Tapi ya, masih muda kalo dibandingkan saya dan dhani yang 80an ini, hahaha..

Saya pernah ada di usia mereka, pernah tersesat, sendirian, kesepian, hingga akhirnya dibantu Allah menemukan jalan keluar. Saya pernah merasa enggak tau harus mulai dari mana dan bagaimana caranya. Saya pernah ada di titik terendah dan merasa sangat enggak percaya diri, merasa enggak akan bisa menggapai cita-cita.

Saya tau semua rasa yang galau gak enak dan gak nyaman itu, sehingga saya sekarang kalo ngeliat mereka bawaannya sayang. Prinsipnya memang kekeluargaan banget, jadi mereka yang memilih untuk keluar dan berjalan tanpa kami pun biasanya tetap dekat dan masih sering ketemuan bareng.

Saya sadar, bekerja di suatu tempat itu seperti naik angkot, kita tau persis rutenya kemana dan kita tau persis kita mau kemana. Nah, kalo sejalan sama tujuan ya duduk disitu. Kalo udh beda, ya turun lah, cari angkot lain atau naik ojek, atau cari jalan lain supaya bisa sampe ke tujuan. Hal yang paling masalah adalah Ketika ada yang gak tau mau kemana, jadi rasanya pasti enggak seneng karena bingung. Akan jadi masalah untuk kedua belah pihak.

Kalau ternyata bisa di pas-pasin ya gak apa, kalau enggak, ya segera turun! Karena ada orang lain yang punya tujuan tersebut, bisa masuk. Gapapa kalau awalnya masih enggak tau mau kemana pas naik, tapi harus buru-buru memutuskan; tempat ini tepat atau gak? Ngapain kerja tapi salah mulu?

Namun prinsip kekeluargaan itu, saya harap, bisa membuat semua yang bekerja disini tidak merasa sendiri. Itu aja, jadi yang masih bingung sama tujuannya bisa menemukan tujuan hidupnya disini. Bersama gue atau enggak, terserah. Semoga ujungnya kebaikan.

Rumah kita bersama

Buat saya, pencapaian itu bukan hanya mengenai pencapaian perusahaan. Namun juga pencapaian diri sendiri. Makanya, instead of bawel soal KPI, saya lebih sering nanya; “Lo udah belajar apa aja disini? Apa yang bisa gua fasilitasin untuk membantu lo belajar lebih banyak?” hal ini penting untuk membuat setiap orang merasa sama-sama memiliki dan punya inisiatif.

ROOTS adalah rumah kita Bersama, bukan rumah saya aja. Awalnya buat saya sangat berat kehilangan anggota tim, tapi lama kelamaan saya sadar, ya gak apa-apa juga. Mungkin udah abis waktunya, mungkin udah saatnya saya nemenin yang lain lagi, mungkin fungsi saya di dunia ini buat nemenin lebih banyak orang gak itu2 aja.

Saya sadar betul, ini tim kecil, orangnya itu2 aja dengan kerjaan yang banyak dan variatif, karena harus bertahan apalagi di masa pandemi yang berat banget kemarin ini. Jadi mungkin rasanya memang berat, dan makanya saya gapapa kok kalau akhirnya ada yang memilih hal lain. Saya merasa bahwa setiap orang harus tau bahwa Ketika dia masuk ke ROOTS, dia tau ini tempat yang pas. Sementara Ketika dia keluar, ya karena dia juga tau ini udah gak pas lagi.

Jangan sampe ada orang yang udah enggak happy disini, tapi masih ada disini. Biasanya pilihannya antara dia enggak berani keluar atau dia gak sadar kalau dia sudah mulai gak happy. Bukan apa-apa, saya berkoar2 soal koneksi dan mindfulness sih, yuk kita sama-sama mindful. Tau apa yang dirasakan dan dibutuhkan diri sendiri itu penting. Lagian, kalo udah gak happy, dia akan jadi office zombie, dan percayalah…itu nular.

Tapi keluarga ya keluarga, kalau di kerjaan kita gak sejalan yaudah gak jalan bareng sambil kerja. Gitu aja. Sementara di luar kerjaan, ya semua adalah keluarga. Kek apapun kamu. Siapapun kamu. Ya kamu akan diterima dgn tangan terbuka. Diledekin, dicengin, disayang, didengar, diterima apa adanya bukan dicaci maki lalu di cap buruk. Saya beneran sayang sama semuanya.

Cari duit

Ya base-nya AKAR FAMILY adalah bisnis, cari uang. Lah gimana mau menyampaikan visi misi Pendidikan kalau enggak ada pemasukan? Tentu kita harus jualan! Orang harus ngerti brand kita apa, dan apa yang kita kerjakan.

Mungkin orang-orang mengasosiasikan kita sebagai usaha yang aneh, karena selalu memulai sesuatu yang aneh dan enggak bisa dipahami. Tapi enggak apa-apa kok, yang penting kami tau apa yang kami kerjakan, why, what dan how. Bisnis ya bisnis, harus ada pemasukan. Maka ya semangatnya harus tinggi.

Bisnis itu cepat, maka butuh growth mindset dari mereka yang mau terus belajar. Apa aja dan dimana aja, belajar mah gak ada batasnya. Maka saya siap kok untuk ngajak ngobrol satu persatu, semua orang yang ada di AKAR. Cerita apapun saya mau dengar dan berusaha selalu memperjuangkan apa yang penting.

Sebab, ini adalah bisnis yang saya bangun berlandaskan value. Bukan buka retail indomaret yang emang KPI nya Cuma; LAKU. Saya sadar betul, membangun bisnis based on value itu pekerjaan berat, maka kita gak bisa sendirian. Maka saya ajak teman-teman tim untuk mengingat bahwa semua adalah mitra. Kita butuh semua bareng-bareng, menuju visi misi yang sama.

Saya gak percaya sama one man show, kita geraknya bareng dan sinergis karena tujuannya jelas.

Perjuangan

Saya selalu ingatkan ke anggota tim bahwa apapun yang kita lakukan semua bentuknya perjuangan. Yang paling nyata, ya berjuang untuk anak-keluarga. Mereka tau kok, kita berjuang buat mereka. Kemanapun kita kerja ya akan ada perjuangan dan pengorbanan. Rela gak?

AKAR ya gini, saya enggak pernah nahan siapa-siapa meski saya selalu hancur lebur Ketika kehilangan. Di AKAR ya begini aja adanya, saya, kamu, bisa jadi diri sendiri dan tetap diterima. Hal itu saya janji. Kadang kita berantem, kadang miskom, kadang rugi, kadang untung, dicela orang, stress, gak nyaman, kadang kesel-keselan, tapi sering juga kita ngakak bareng, merasa hangat Bersama-sama, cela-celaan.

Karena prinsip yang diterapkan adalah KONEKSI dan buat apa sih kita menguatkan koneksi? Supaya jadi manusia, betul?

Apa sih keunggulan manusia? OTAKNYA. Kita dikasih 3 otak sekaligus sama Allah, maka kemampuan kita yang gak dimiliki mahluk lainnya; ADAPTASI. Saya sering sih bilang; hewan gurun gak akan bisa hidup di es, vice versa. Manusia? Bisa.

Nah yang Namanya manusia ya bisa dan boleh merasakan emosinya, bisa dan boleh campur baur gak keruan, bisa dan boleh jadi dirinya sendiri. Karena dari situ kita belajar banyak. Growth mindset artinya siap belajar terus, dan situasi Ketika sedang belajar adalah TIDAK NYAMAN, karena tantangan kan artinya melakukan sesuatu di luar zona nyaman.

Tapi kalau gak gitu, kita gak akan tumbuh sampe ke titik resiliens, gak akan belajar meregulasi emosi, gak akan punya tujuan dan tekad yang sekuat baja untuk mengejarnya. Padahal itu kuncian hidup manusia yang bisa dilakukan setiap orang karena kita sudah dikasih bekal otak dan kemampuan adaptasi yang luar biasa itu.

Jadi ya mudah-mudahan yang masih jadi anggota tim selalu siap diajak marathon, karena cita-cita nya besar dan panjang. Semoga semua yang berjalan bergandengan Bersama kami siap untuk tumbuh bareng, karena cita-citanya adalah untuk masa depan anak-anak Indonesia yang lebih baik. Toh, aku dan kamu kita semua pernah jadi anak-anak. Mari Kembali ke masa itu, dan ingat baik-baik, hal apa yang paling kita ingin dan butuhkan?

Iya, saya yakin; koneksi. Yuk saya siap digandeng dan membersamai!