Iya, dia pasti sayang sama saya…

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Udah pernah nonton film THE JUDGE?

Udah lama film nya, 2014. Dan waktu saya nonton di bioskop, saya mewek. Hahaha…iya, krn film ini deket banget sama hidup saya. dan ini jadi keingetan lagi, karena abis nonton di FOX MOVIES.

Saya, sejak masa jelang remaja, adalah anak yang paling sering dimarahin sama bokap nyokap. Anak yang paling nakal dan kalo dipikir2, kelakuannya emang minta digampar. Seumur hidup saya masih kesel, kalo inget betapa banyaknya omelan yang saya terima. Apalagi saat di usia labil gak jelas itu. rasanya keseeeeeelll banget, kenapa saya gak seperti anak-anak lain? kenapa orangtua saya keras banget sih ngedidik saya, harus disiplin, harus taat beragama, harus ini harus itu.

Rasanya kaya apapun yang saya lakukan gak pernah cukup buat bikin mereka senang. Well, terutama bokap sih.

Dan setelah nonton film ini, ya, saya jadi ngerti..

Berikut adalah dialog berantem pertama antara judge joseph (bapak) dan hank (anak) saat anaknya sudah tua dan berkeluarga sendiri. Ini berantem yang bikin saya ikut kesel, kenapa sih ni bapaknya keras kepala banget. Kejem banget…

Hank Palmer: Why’d you pull me out of Boy Scouts?

Judge Joseph Palmer: As punishment for blowing up the McCraw’s mailbox with M80s.

Hank Palmer: I was 13. *That* you remember. *That*!

Judge Joseph Palmer: Oh, old enough to know better.

Hank Palmer: You didn’t come to my high school graduation or college. Why?

Judge Joseph Palmer: [Overlapping] Oh, boo-fucking-hoo. “Why?” Jail time, truancy, I don’t get to reward anything! None of your shit!

Hank Palmer: I graduated from *law school*, for Christ’s sake.

Judge Joseph Palmer: As opposed to what? Dropping out?

Hank Palmer: Fuck you!

Judge Joseph Palmer: Let me tell you something, okay? I put a roof over your head, money in your pocket, clothes on your back… *food* in your *mouth*! Who paid for that college education? I never showed up to kiss your ass, but your mother? She’s a house wife! Why couldn’t you swallow your God damned pride and just come home to her? You tell me why!

Hank Palmer: [On the verge of tears] You know, you’d invite people at the end of their parole back to court… You’d *recognize* those who did their time, turned their lives around, made something of themselves. Everyone in the court applauded, and you made sure they did! Tell them how *proud* you were… Proud of *fucking* strangers!

Judge Joseph Palmer: Is that all you wanted, Henry, was a kind word? An ‘atta boy? Then to use your words, you should have *come* the *fuck* home! We all waited, *quietly*, but you never came. Okay? And I was the one she’d blame, because you wouldn’t come home. Me. Now, was I tough on you? Yes. How’d you turn out, Henry? Waiting tables? A bum?

Hank Palmer: You put me in Juvenile Detention… you sent me to fucking Vanderburgh!

Judge Joseph Palmer: [Interrupting] No, no, no, no, no, you put yourself there.

Hank Palmer: Did I?

Judge Joseph Palmer: Yes.

Hank Palmer: The prosecutor recommended community service. That was *your* call!

Judge Joseph Palmer: No, no, no, it wouldn’t have *helped* you!

Hank Palmer: I didn’t need *help*, I needed *you*!

Judge Joseph Palmer: You were high, you rolled a car with your brother in it! He had a major league career ahead of him, a 90 mile-an-hour fast ball, and he runs a turnip shop! You crippled him, you stole his future, and you call *me* an ass hole?

Hank Palmer: What do you want from me? I was 17 when that happened. I was *17*.

Judge Joseph Palmer: Oooh, “I was 13, I was 17.” You were headed down the wrong path! I did what I thought was right.

Hank Palmer: [Holding back tears] You know, I didn’t just graduate from law school, I graduated first in my class… I was *first* in my class… I did *really* well, dad.

Judge Joseph Palmer: You’re welcome.

[Walks out of the room]

Hank Palmer: [Grits his teeth and clenches his fist; he sits at the kitchen table, speaking in a barely audible voice] Fuck… Damn this house… God damn this *fucking* house…

 

Dan berikut ini adalah dialog mereka, saat hank berusaha membantu bokapnya melewati tuduhan pembunuhan, karena gak sengaja nabrak anak yang pernah dia jatuhi hukuman. Dialog yang sukses bikin saya mewek:

Hank Palmer: I don’t buy it. It can’t be the first time someone’s insulted you. It’s your job. Why did you go easy on him the first time? Of all the judges in Indiana, the one with the tightest… You gave him 30 days. He threatened her, discharged a firearm at her residence.That’s six months. A year. Easy. What was your reasoning? A hundred and 80 days, that’s solid. Maybe he’d have cooled off. Maybe he doesn’t kill Hope. Maybe we’re not here. Of all the years you sat on that bench… all the people that stood before you, the leniency… the understanding, the free ride goes to Mark Blackwell? How do you explain that lapse in judgment?

Judge Joseph Palmer: Same willful disobedience… same recklessness. I looked at him and saw my middle son.My little boy. My little boy. I watched him cry right there. I wanted to put my arms around him and tell him it didn’t have to be like this. I wanted someone to help him… like I’d want someone to help my boy… if he lost his way. It was my chance to be… that someone. Is that so much to ask?

Hank Palmer: Maybe so. Maybe so. I have memories. Of us. You, me. Then I don’t. How come? Why? Why? Why?

Judge Joseph Palmer: I looked at you and I saw him.

[Hank closes his eyes and a tear fell]

Judge Joseph Palmer: [the judge closed his eyes in despair]

4

“I LOOKED AT YOU AND I SAW HIM” huhuhuhuhu,,,

Judge joseph mengurangi hukuman si anak yang berbuat kejahatan itu, karena saat persidangan, dia melihat anak itu seperti dia melihat, hank. Anak kesayangannya yang nakal. Lalu dia jadi keras dan galak sama hank, karena dia melihat hank seperti dia melihat anak yang dijatuhi hukuman itu.

Dia takut, hank, kesayangannya, akan jadi seperti si anak yang berbuat kejahatan itu. makanya dia memerlakukan hank dengan galak.

Iya ya, saya gak pernah berantem sama bokap sampe kaya hank dan bokapnya. Maka saya sebtulnya gak pernah tau, kenapa dulu dia galak banget sama saya.

Tapi nonton film ini, dan saya rasa saya gak perlu sampe berantem lah.

Saya paham. Iya, saya, anak sulungnya, perempuan dan emang bandel sebandel2nya. Gak bisa diatur, semaunya, kerjanya ngelawan, dan gak bisa  mikir lurus kalo marah.Gak punya takut, gak feminim, temenan sama siapa aja dari anak baik sampe preman, begajulan, ga betah dirumah, gak bisa diem.

Kalo saya jadi dia, mungkin saya juga akan punya kekhawatiran yang sama. Karena punya anak kaya saya, emang gak gampang, pasti. Jangan-jangan saya juga akan jadi segalak dia? heu..semoga enggak deh.

Bahkan dulu saya pernah berdoa, semoga saya gak punya anak seperti saya. karena saya sadar banget seberapa ngaconya saya. hehehe..

Iya dia salah karena bikin hubungan kami renggang, gak seperti anak perempuan lain dengan ayahnya, yang biasanya dekat. Sampe saya pernah mikir, ini papa pasti gak sayang sama saya. saking galaknya dia.

Tapi kemudian saya jadi mikir, dia udah rela mengorbankan kedekatannya dengan saya, anak perempuan satu2nya, yang harusnya masih manja dan gelendotan di lengannya. Demi saya, tumbuh jadi orang yang berhasil..

Segitu aja yang bisa dia lakukan, mungkin. Dan sekarang, setelah puluhan tahun, saya akui, saya salah karena pernah sebegitu marahnya pada dia.

Maaf ya pa, lama banget saya sadarnya. Hehehe..

IMG_0049 (3)

(begini kalo bapaknya wartawan, dari kecil udah masuk koran. hahahaha…)

Mama saya selalu bilang “Allah minta kamu untuk menghormati, menghargai dan berbuat baik pada orang tua. Minta maaf!” tiap saya marah sama papa. Gak peduli salah siapa, mama akan tetap nyuruh saya minta maaf sama papa. Dan saya akan minta maaf sambil manyun gak ikhlas. Sekarang, iya, untung dulu mama selalu ada dan ngingetin saya. kalo gak, mungkin saya juga tetap gak sadar meski udah nonton the judge ribuan kali. Hehehe..

Susah ya jadi orangtua? Hhuhuhu…

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